Things I care about now that I'm a dad
Sleep
My sleep. My wife's sleep. My child's sleep. I'm obsessed. With length, with frequency, with quality. Why? The lurking lower bound. That rock bottom which is only known once hit. There's a point at which we're not getting enough. And then? Things. Fall. Apart.
Physical accessibility in public transport
I cared about this before. I did. Just in the most passive way possible. It didn't affect me, which made it easy to forget about. I never took the lift. Not when exhausted or battered or luggage-laden. But I do now. And so, what if it's out of order? Well, I can ask for help; most people like helping a parent with a cute baby. But if none is forthcoming? I can make do. Awkwardly, yes. And not without some huffing and cursing. But ultimately, those steps are conquered.
There are people who cannot make do. They have no choice when it comes to what they must rely upon.
Hot, powerful showers
These used to be long, lingering affairs. Decadent. Hedonistic. Now, they're a vital rejuvenationLiterally, to make young again. Muscles slacken, brows soften, cares flatten. They wash away sticky, milky spit. They grant escape for just a hot minuteIt's their brevity that makes fleeting moments precious.
Safety
The cantilevered parasol creaks as it sways in a moderate wind. I'll be fucked if I'm going to be the dickhead who didn't heed his instincts and has his baby crushed by a garden extravagance.
Women
Women who are having, have had, or will have children.
I cared about women before having a child. And I knew well enough about many inequities women must endure—I work in tech, after all. But in pregnancy, birth, postpartum care, there are too many things that a woman's partner cannot bear with themPutting aside the barely veiled misogyny of the Christian myth of Eve eating (of) the apple, I can see where it came from. Surely the first woman must have pissed off some capricious, omnipotent fucker..
I cannot share morning sickness. I cannot bear our child's weight as they gestate. I cannot sleep uncomfortably so my wife may have relief. I cannot have my organs rearranged—my stomach squashed, my lungs compressed—so that she might eat full meals and take full breaths. I cannot give birth. I cannot recover from birth. I cannot feed our child with my body. I cannot imbalance my own hormones to stabilise hers. I cannot overheat and sweat through the night and rob myself of precious hours to give her peaceful sleep. I cannot change paternity laws (not overnight).
And so my empathy is fresh and vital. I exercise it daily. And so I care about women.